I'm going to start with talking about myself back in high school. Let me talk about swim team since swimming is very much a part of me still. So, joined swim team in 8th grade. LOVED it. Coach said I should swim in high school, so of course, I did. However....being a freshman in high school brought on a lot of new changes. We were required to swim or lift in the am, then again in the pm, and sometimes, we'd have to swim in the am, and pm a few hours before a meet! This was a lot for a 14-15yr old girl to get used to. Especially one who got stressed out easily. I remember going to school with wet hair and smelling like chlorine even though we showered lol. Anyways...I couldn't handle it (my parents talked with the coaches) so I think I only swam in the am once a week. It was the most intense physical activity I had ever been through. I remember wanting to quit. There was a point during the heavy training load that I would cry a lot, complaining to my parents that I couldn't handle all of this-school, band, swim practices consisting of 3 or more hours. So they said, "You can quit, you know, it's ok." And I said..."but I'm NOT a quitter!" (This part of me will reveal itself later on in my story) So I stuck it out. Found out after the season ended our current coach was leaving us (we found out for another team in our division!) Anyways...I didn't like him much lol and wasn't going to swim my sophomore year.
We got a new coach the following year, and she's still there today :) When I heard we didn't have to swim in the mornings anymore (besides Saturdays and Christmas vacation mornings) I was so in. Because I loved to swim. From then on, with the new coach, my times started to drop woo! (I still had low confidence and I think if I thought more positively I would have done even better) Anyways..to make a long story short, I swam all 4 yrs and my senior year of high school I was recruited for a division III school, Mount Union. But...I was confused on where to go to college and what my major should be. I didn't want to go to a small school. I had my heart set on OSU for awhile, then I changed my mind at the last second to BG. (Why? Because it had a nice pool....I'm serious...that's the only reason.) I figured eh what the heck I don't know what I want to do with my life and all these schools have good opportunities, I'll just go to the one with the nicest pool in my opinion. Yeah....I guess I could have tried to be a walk on for the swim team at BG, but I didn't want to travel or practice 2 hours in the am AND pm. Besides, I have to study very long and hard to obtain good grades, nothing has ever come easy to me. Not school, sports, anything. So I tried swimming on a Master's team, then just gave up trying to make practice and started working out on my own time (see my note on how I got into running on facebook!)
During my freshman yr of college, I just took the general ed classes, and during my second semester came across the major or exercise science/kinesiology or Pre-Physical Therapy. Pre-PT major sounded boring, exercise science sounded more fun. And since you could get into PT school with the exercise science major and take an extra chem and physics class, I chose exercise science. What I did for the next 3 years: Study my butt off. Did NOT go out hardly at all. Of course, I'm not your typical college kid anyways, got up before class to work out, then studied and went to class the rest of the time. Alcohol and me don't do very well-although don't get me wrong I do enjoy a margarita every once in awhile :) I studied my butt off because 1) you had to have a high GPA to get into PT school and 2) I was fascinated by my Kinesiology classes. For those of you who don't know, Kinesiology is the study of human movement and exercise science is studying the effects of exercise on the human body. Pretty cool stuff.
So, I applied to a few PT schools during my senior year for the following fall, didn't get in any, so waited and applied a second time. Besides, I hadn't exactly finished school yet, I still had to do an internship in PT. Which...I really wanted to help people. Through physical activity. My senior yr of HS I was inspired by an awesome PT who really loved his job and cared about his patients. I'm still friends with him to this day. He made me want to go into the profession. However..once I started doing volunteer hours and my 600 hour internship...I was kind of bored with it. But I still decided to apply for PT school because I thought I'd make a good PT and it was a nice paying, secure job where I could make an impression on others and help motivate them to be more active. Although the nice-paying part didn't concern me as much as the secure job did. I was not sure if I would have a secure job if I continued on in Kinesiology. I have been a pretty "unsure of myself" person all up until now, after PT school didn't work out for me.
During the winter before I knew if I got into any PT schools, I had also applied to the graduate program in Kinesiology at BGSU. One of my teachers asked me during my internship if I really wanted PT. She said I could also apply for an assistantship in Kinesiology if I wanted to. But I was stuck on PT. I had been talking about PT for so long to so many people that I figured I should just go for it. I didn't want to let anyone down. I wanted to help anyone and everyone I could that had physical ailments and I felt friends and family were counting on me. (So wrong, it's not always about you and they would have been proud either way.) Anyways, I also applied to the Kinesiology grad program in case I didn't get into PT school. Well, I got into both. And this time, I really considered saying no to PT school and yes to Kinesiology/exercise science. The exercise sciences is what truly interests me and what makes sense to me the most. I even read books on it in my leisure time. But...again..I didn't want to let anyone down since I got in, and I had to try PT school to see what it was like.
Those close to me know what happened when I was in PT school. And many others that I've told. After about the 2nd or 3rd week I knew I wouldn't make it. I couldn't handle the workload and felt I was in way over my head, didn't feel in the right place. I have always needed a lot of time to study, and 15 credit hours of hard classes+being in class 7-8hrs a day didn't do me any good. I have never been in any honors classes, even though I did graduate with honors, I was never in the accelerated program. I just couldn't keep up. (Of course, most everyone else worked as hard as me, I just was one of the few who didn't make it :) I would take an hr break to workout, usually with my friend Kara-we needed those endorphins and that 1 hour! Other than that, all our time was spent studying. Had no social life. I wasn't having any fun. I started to call home every few days complaining or crying. I cried to all my teachers (I couldn't help it, the tears always came pouring down when I went to their offices LOL). They told me to stick it out for the semester, give it a shot. So I did...because I am not a quitter. I did meet with my kinesiology teacher from BG though. She told me I had to be the one to know what's truly in my heart and take that path. She also told me to finish out the semester too. So I did..but it was SO HARD! That semester was just one big blur to me. I was in a dark place, wasn't even praying or going to church. I even recall only exercising 3x a week sometimes (which is so unlike me!). I called my good friend Sammi who I met at BG at our church. She helped me get out of this rut I was in. Started going to church and praying constantly. I know I tried my hardest that semester. There was nothing else I could have done. I remember my friend Davea telling me when I had no hope left (this is sounding way too dramatic lol, but this was one of the hardest times of my life, thinking I'd let everyone down, the past 4 yrs studying your butt off just to get into PT school...feeling like your whole life is now ruined), but she said "The light at the end of the tunnel will come, trust me." And it did. I also chatted back and forth through facebook with the student who was a graduate assistant when I was in undergrad. She helped me out a lot too, as well as a few runners from the MCRR :) I ended up not passing some of my classes. I had never failed anything before, so this was something new. (Well, I actually didn't fail any classes, but got below the C mark-only allowed 3 Cs throughout the whole 3yr program) Thankfully, I was already accepted into the Kinesiology program at Bowling Green :) I just had to wait a few more months to see if I got the assistantship. And I did. :) I had a nice winter break full of snowboarding, family, and friends (and a few margaritas). My PT school teachers said they would hold my spot for me for next fall if I wanted. No way. I knew what I wanted to do now and didn't want to waste anymore $ on something that wasn't there.
I am in a much happier place now. Life feels right again. I took 2 classes this semester towards my Kinesiology degree (since my teachers didn't have an assistantship this semester, they recommended taking a few classes just to stay in the swing of things. And I wasn't going to pay anymore for more classes so I just took 2.) I got a job at the YMCA personal training and instructing fitness classes that I love. I have met some pretty cool people, and another trainer who is very much like myself with the constant, intense physical activity :). Even though the field of Physical Therapy and Kinesiology are very closely related, I'd rather help keep people moving and prevent disease and injuries before they happen as opposed to rehab them. I find the exercise sciences/sport sciences/kinesiology/whatever you want to call it way more interesting than physical therapy, even though I highly respect physical therapists for what they do and what they went through with the schooling. I truly care about people's bodies and am fully committed to dedicating my life to studying the human body. It's what makes sense to me the most and what I am most passionate about. I just had to find the right field within the health field that was suited best for me. Sometimes it takes failing to realize who you truly are and what you want out of life. I have made some pretty great friends through PT school, though. If I ever need anything, I know who to ask :)
What I have learned through all of this is 1) Do what you love, don't worry about what others may think, 2) Be strong and never, ever give up, you have to give every opportunity your all, 3) Don't be afraid to take the road less traveled. Some people ask me, "Well what kind of job can you get with exercise science?" I am not quite sure yet, but really appreciate my teachers taking me back and giving me an assistantship for awesome opportunities :) There's corporate fitness, possibly research (I think I'll really like this...I love reading and learning.)/university professor of Kinesiology...I've already looked at UNCO-they study Biomechanics and running economy in people with prosthetics, and their exercise physiology department also works with the Rocky Mountain Cancer Institute to study the effects of exercise in patients with chemo, and...lastly...the one that would be the dream job: The Olympic Training Center :) But..I do not know which one I'll go into, whatever I fall into. I must not make any ultimatums anymore, as they might not work out and I don't want to be devastated ever again. Enjoy the moment that you are in and work very hard because you never know where it may lead you. Dare to take the road less traveled, because I truly believe in Robert Frost's poem: it will make all the difference :) And #4-Open up. You cannot keep problems like these inside. I am lucky to have a number of great friends who I was able to reach out to and give me some help and advice. Thank you all :) Thanks for being there when I needed it the most!
And lastly...here is a song that I feel describes 100% of how I felt during my struggles in PT school, it's by one of my favorite bands, Superchick:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-WErYRHavk
She never slows down (My dad's always telling me to slow down, and especially in PT school to focus on 1 thing at a time)
She doesn't know why but
she knows that when
She's all alone feels
Like it's all coming down (The struggle was so hard-I felt like I was letting my family and friends down, and the world because all I ever wanted to do was help and inspire others)
She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries
That first tear
The tears will not stop
Raining down (This would happen, I had to constantly, I'm talking at least a few times a week, fight back the tears during class)
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain (Tried my hardest not to quit that semester)
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain (I was able to find myself halfway through the semester with the help of friends and family and listening to my heart)
She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself (Oh it was very much a fight against myself, if I chose another path, and not PT school, my family would have been just as proud)
And the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through
everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down (I never wanted to quit anything so badly before, but I have always been able to endure any pain I was going through, both physically and emotionally, so I stuck this one out, too)
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found (I was able to figure out where my true passion lied, and am not afraid to follow it anymore :)
You stand in the rain
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain
I truly care about everyone's bodies. This is why I chose these two fields. I care about your body more than I care about my own. (The constant texting or facebook commenting about health...sorry friends LOL :) I want everyone to know how very important it is to stay active. There are numerous benefits-emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Regular exercise enhances your life in so many ways there are too many to name. I could post a whole other blog on just that alone. My motto that I often joke around with my sister is this, "What's more important, your health or your favorite TV show?" There is ALWAYS time for at least 30 min of exercise. Get up a little earlier, skip your TV shows...something! Anything! Make the time for it because it will make you feel so much better.
And I'll end with a quote from one of my favorite books, then a Bible verse.
"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." Into the Wild
"Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and the road broad that leads to destruction, and those who enter through it are many. How narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life. And those who find it are few." Matthew 7:13-14 Sound a lot like Robert Frost's poem, The Road Less Traveled...? :)
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